omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
