What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
