He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
