omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
