just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
