duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My Sexting was not on an AP level
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
