Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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