before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
