We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
