Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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