My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
