Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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