omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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