my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
