I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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