at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
