why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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