Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
