Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just blew my weed a kiss
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
