I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
