He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
