DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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