If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
