I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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