The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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