Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
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So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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