so explain again why im purple
no
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize