do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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