I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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