I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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