I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
