I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
