I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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