i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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