I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
