Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Randomize
