Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
