Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
