i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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