anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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