Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
This gyro tastes like lonliness
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
