So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
