Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
