You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
