What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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