My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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