I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
