He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
