I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
