i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize