My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
