Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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