I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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