Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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