Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
