Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
